faithshouse

Single mothers have enough to worry about after the holidays but my
friends kept asking me the dreaded question about my new year resolutions. I
managed to make it through split visitations, scraping money together for
presents, putting up with naughty relatives and now I had to make a decision on
what I was going to change next year? Maybe it’s just me that takes offense to
the idea that I am in need of improvement so much I have to verbally announce
my intentions to those around me. I remind myself daily on things I refuse to
repeat because I didn’t like the outcome but now I was going to be held
accountable for it.

With all this added pressure, I decided to start small with the resolution
thing and lead up to bigger ones in a Bridget Jones sort of way. First, I’m going to
invest in new underwear because I can no longer excuse the holes in the ones I
should have buried years ago. It may not be a trip to the beach but I need to
consider decent underwear a luxury I must partake in. Secondly, I am going to
start setting my alarm earlier so I don’t look like rising death in the carpool line at
school. I’m going to at least look like one of those mother types that hit the
treadmill at 5am, cooked my children homemade biscuits before I sent them off
with gluten-free lunches packed with care. Then, I’m also going to quit using
words like “potty” and “tinkle” because what was once cute and relatable now
embarrasses my children something awful.

Those are the little things which always come easy but the more important
resolutions tend to be more difficult to decide upon. So, this year, I am going to
keep pursuing the somewhat impossible job I know I would conquer with my
whole heart. The one job I continue circling back to no matter what I attempt to
do. Although it’s every one’s dream to have the career that fulfills them, I believe
we each have an immeasurable gift that if we pay attention, will guide us to using
it in a way we never thought we could. I am going to work on listening to my
inner voice especially when it’s screaming at me that something isn’t right. When
my inner voice is drowning out waling cats fifty miles off, I will stop what I’m
doing and hear it.

Lastly, this year, as much as I cringe writing this, I will believe in love again. I

will open my heart to those who deserve it because my divorce no longer defines
who I am. I am a loving, single mother who also happens to be a woman that will
appreciate the significance of a partner. Also, I finally realize in the future it
wouldn’t be fair to rely on my children for constant companionship.

I’m not a fan of resolutions but thanks to outside pressure, I was forced to
think about what I would change to improve my life. I’m not moving to Tahiti and
shaking off social responsibilities. I’m not investing money I don’t have for a more
secure future, whatever that means these days. And I’m certainly not dropping
any vices because my fortieth birthday is too close to even consider torturing
myself further. However, I will try for contentment; compassion and the courage
to keep readjusting my resolution list as my overwhelming list of flaws appear to
me. In 2012, I will strive towards patience overall. Not just patience for those
around me but for myself when I fail. I wish that for everyone reading this as well
because perfection among the masses would make for a boring year anyway.

Have a great new year, resolutions aside…

By: Beth Rider Westbrooks